i.
Am I still me when I get better?
I have been storm-battered
and beaten by rocks and fists
and torn apart at the seams.
I sail close to the wind, between Scylla
and Charybdis.
Scylla takes a bite of my wheel,
then my hull,
sending me careening
close to Charybdis,
black hole to the bottom
of the ocean.
This is not how I want
to find Atlantis.
Water leaks in
and blood leaks out
and who am I at the end of this?
Who am I when I wash up on shore?
Who am I when I try and stick
two pieces of wood together,
and they no longer fit?
Who am I when you have stolen some o
f my splinters?
When I stumble into port,
who will believe me?
This is not ancient Greece.
The gods are dead,
and we know better than to
label nature as monstrous.
“Nature is nature and honey,
you should have been ready.”
Who will believe me when I say
I did not destroy myself,
especially when I murmur,
“Not at first.”
Who will lend me tools,
let me stain their floor
with my sanguine tears?
Who will let me
build myself up
to a point of building myself back up?
Who will give me lumber?
Whose trees can I fell
when I own nothing in this place?
I hammer and I saw and I patch
and I sing and I cry.
I am building myself again,
with some old pieces,
some new.
But am I still me?
What will I name this vessel now?
ii.
I have hammered and sawed and patched
and sang and cried,
and sometimes that singing sounded
an awful lot like screaming,
and sometimes those tears looked
an awful lot like blood.
And here is what I have learned:
you cannot blame Theseus
for his paradox.
Maybe his ship
is
both the same and different.
Maybe it is the universe
just as I am.
And maybe that’s okay.
What will I name this vessel now?
I name this vessel
Universe,
Medusa,
Survivor,
Divine,
Light,
Strong,
Broken,
Complete.
I name this vessel me.
I name this vessel home.
I'm Ellora (she/her), a 22-year-old poet, mystery author, and retail manager from Akron, Ohio. I'm a queer witch and enjoy visiting my Great Lake, collecting rocks, and photography. In my writing process, I endeavor to process my deepest, darkest emotions and relate my experiences to metaphors in the world around me.
Comments